{"id":20600,"date":"2026-10-19T12:45:02","date_gmt":"2026-10-19T16:45:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/allopsycho.com\/?page_id=20600"},"modified":"2026-10-19T14:15:37","modified_gmt":"2026-10-19T18:15:37","slug":"vc_cc","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/allopsycho.com\/en\/vc_cc\/","title":{"rendered":"Intimate Partner Violence \/ Coercive Control"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Intimate Partner Violence \/ Coercive Control<\/h1>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
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Where to begin...<\/h4>

I am writing this article in the fall of 2026, a year that has seen one of the worst rates of femicide in intimate partner relationships, with between 14 and 17 cases reported as of September. In this article, we will use the feminine form when referring to victims and the masculine form when referring to perpetrators of violence, since, statistically speaking, this is a highly gendered issue. This does not imply that men cannot be victims, nor does it exclude relationships between two women, two men, or relationships involving people of gender and sexual diversity.\u00a0<\/p>

The discourse on domestic violence has had to evolve over time\u2014and thankfully so, since there was a time when violence within a relationship was considered a private matter, and society did not intervene. For a long time afterward, people also referred to it as \u201cdomestic violence,\u201d and even today, despite the evolution of the term, we continue to use it in various areas of public services (police, shelter resources, CAVAC, etc.).\u00a0<\/p>

Not everyone understands why terminology changes in scientific and social discourse: today we speak of \u201ccoercive control\u201d because our understanding of the issue has also evolved! For a long time, many women did not identify themselves as being in a relationship involving intimate partner violence because they did not experience any physical violence. However, they may have experienced various forms of control: surveillance, restrictions on their comings and goings, being cut off from friends and family, being barred from pursuing an education or earning an income, or even having their income entirely managed by the abuser, among other things.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>

Let's Talk Coercive Control<\/em><\/h4>

Control refers to... well, the control exerted over another person; and \u201ccoercive\u201d means forced\u2014that is, the person is neither aware of nor consenting to the control being exerted over them.\u00a0<\/p>

I therefore invite you to view coercive control as a toolbox from which the abuser draws to exert control over his victim. These manipulative behaviors are part of a cycle of violence that contributes to the victim\u2019s confusion about what she is experiencing and keeps her in the relationship against her will for a long time.\u00a0<\/p>

Here are a few examples to show you what that might look like:\u00a0<\/p>

  • A man cheats on his partner, and as soon as she questions him about his unexplained absences, he reacts angrily and downplays what she\u2019s going through by accusing her of being jealous, of being crazy for thinking he\u2019s cheating on her, or even of accusing her of cheating herself. This puts the victim in a position where she has to defend herself against the accusation, which shifts the focus away from him. The argument ends without resolution\u2014and, more importantly, without answers.\u00a0\u00a0<\/li>
  • A woman gets married and immigrates to her spouse\u2019s country. Once she arrives, she doesn\u2019t speak the language of her new host country and doesn\u2019t know anyone there. Far from her social network, control gradually takes hold. She wants to learn the language, but her husband forbids her from doing so, convincing her that it\u2019s not necessary and that he\u2019ll take care of her. He may also lead her to believe that she isn\u2019t smart enough to learn a new language and that it\u2019s not worth trying (thereby undermining her self-esteem at the same time). She finds a job at a grocery store where she doesn\u2019t need to speak the language, and her paycheck goes directly into her husband\u2019s account, who manages all the finances under the pretext that he wants to spare her the headache\u2014but in reality, she has no way of knowing how much money is in the account or what is being done with it.\u00a0<\/li>
  • A couple enjoys a fairy-tale relationship for several months, during which the man treats his partner with generosity and care, promising her a life of luxury and comfort. They buy a house and move in together. Little by little, She realizes that he seems to drink alcohol regularly and finds hidden cans around the house. She brings this up with him, and he gets angry, accusing her of creating problems for no reason and insisting that she is the problem, not his drinking. She begins to doubt herself and wonders if she\u2019s really making a big deal out of nothing. Then, she becomes pregnant, and now her partner forbids her from going out, accusing her of cheating on him and even questioning whether she is actually pregnant with HIS child. She constantly defends herself against his accusations, and over time, she isolates herself more and more just to keep the peace.\u00a0<\/li><\/ul>
    I could give you a ton of examples of situations like these that we encounter in our practices, but the goal here is to give you an overview of coercive control. On their own, one or two problematic behaviors don\u2019t necessarily mean the relationship is toxic, but it\u2019s the accumulation of manipulative behaviors\u2014as well as the intention behind them (control and power over the other person)\u2014that matters.\u00a0<\/div>

    Cycle of Violence<\/h4>

    I mentioned the cycle a little earlier. Well, the cycle consists of four phases:\u00a0Honeymood, tension, agression and justification phases.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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    Honeymoon<\/h3>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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    Justification<\/h3>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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    Tension<\/h3>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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    Agression<\/h3>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
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